Keep the Laundry Low

Just had a conversation about doing the laundry with a friend, and by no means do I mean having a disco dance, it's just that it suddenly hit me that I've never had the issue of doing laundries. Not because I'm dirty and just don't like doing it, I never really had enough to have it as a problem.

Ok, I guess this can sound a bit obscene here but really, my closet isn't full. Mostly messy, but never full. Unlike my stepmom's closet that is filled with clothes from 10 years ago and bags about the same age, and a load of others in her father's house back in Taichung, I on the other hand, has little more to show in my three drawers.

This has all thanks to my compulsion in throwing things out from all the major changes in my life. Either it's coming from big a trip, turning of the season or year, I'd always make some room for my imaginary clothes. As the years gone by, even though my financial status has gotten better, it seems like I haven't got that many still. Maybe I've grown to like more expensive things, quality things to be more precise.

At this turning of the year, I'm looking at my wardrobe, instead of feeling that it's half empty, all I see is that messy full.

Men and High Heels

Being a woman, there is a built-in ability to suss out the worthies and the unworthies. Most of the time, I know exactly what I want at first glance or after trying it out for the first time. However, like high heels, even though they are attractive and makes me feel sexy, they often make my feet ache after wearing them for a while.

Men are somewhat like that. When I was young, the tolerance for men are much higher since I've always dated people who are older, so automatically, I'd put myself in the learning mode to get to understand what it is all about. But as I grow older, experience has taught me much about what I don't like. As a result, interaction with men becomes a lot more difficult and delicate. Things may also happen easily and naturally, but in the long run, pain and discomfort may happen eventually.

Of course, in any relationship, there are many bumps and blocks on the road to overcome. Most of the time, people avoid them or dismiss them. I did that too, but I found that it'd only build up into something much harder to deal with later on. Confrontation is always healthy - even when it's done intoxicated - as long as there is a point.

Ho to the Holiday

A few days ago, I would never have thought that Christmas in Taipei would be anything more but a bunch of commercialized bonanza. There I was, thinking that it wouldn't affect me, then the next day, all the jingles jangled within me.

Normally, I don't think that interactions with people is all that much to it. It is simply a face to face, or monitor to monitor interaction with much bantering and chitty chatties involved.

Though on Christmas Eve, as I was on the stairmaster, the thought of unexpected kindness flashed by me. So pumped with endorphin, I rushed and got gifts to those who would not expect such gesture. As I was giving them out, I awaited for the bells to chime or to hear the jolly laughter of angels, but nothing happened. In fact, all I got were thank-yous and surprised, thankful looks. Then I realized, that that's the spirit of Christmas.

I'm really not a Scrooge at heart, but maybe just taking the celebrations too literally. Without the holidays, the snow, the Christmas pudding and feast, I really believed that Christmas wouldn't amount to too much over here. I was wrong, and I'm glad that people around me are enjoying this pegan holiday. Merry Christmas and what is left of it, peeps!

Combat Cold

This has got to be one of the coldest days I've had in Taiwan. Being born in the winter, I've never gotten used to the cold and it's never agreed with me.

Like most girls, I also get cold hands and feet when the weather is below 15 degrees, and getting them warm before sleeping has never been an easy task. Of course there is the space heater, but nothing beats a good duvet heater in my experience.

Instead having heat blowing endlessly into an enclosed room, what about having a nylon bag that keeps the heat under your blanket before you go to bed. That's right, before. So that by the time you enter your room, not only your room will be warm, when you slip under your blanket, it would be as toasty as a summer's day as it when you slumbers into your dream.

Other than that, good sleeping wardrobe is also a vital way to tackle the cold. Forget about socks or beanies, longjohn is the way to go. The main reason is that they are breathable for heat and absorbent to sweat, and being skin-tight, it makes sure of maximum heat preservation under the cover, like a wet-suit in the sea.

As for getting out of bed, nothing beats a good heavy robe and cozy winter slippers. Also, a cup of hot anything helps too. But as usual, nothing is worse than getting out of bed in a cold morning. I suppose there's nothing else than to think of something to look forward to during the day, whether it's a good meal, sex, or any form of enjoyment, or maybe even making your own Christmas cards for loved ones.

Well, that's all there is that I can think of to have a warm winter. There are also others like cooking, baking, or mastering a good kungfu skill would be helpful too. But whatever you choose, be sure to have fun with it!

成長的啟發

說來不小，一下就快三十了。今年雖然沒有很多朋友出現在party上，我們還是玩得很快樂。但是，活的越久，就漸漸覺得生活有越來越多值得去追求的。如今、表面上的玩樂，似乎不抵悠閒的逸趣；一時的玩伴，似乎不抵長久的夥伴。

所謂的朋友，就算是用臉書或是電郵要來保持聯絡，許多都只是片面客套罷了，說不上有甚麼實際的交情。想到求學時朋友如此容易就交到，現在要保留卻如此不易，讓我不勝唏噓。或許這是因為對於自己的喜好有多加了解後才發現可友之人並不多；或許是因為在職場中漸漸發現的你虞我詐，讓我變得憤世忌俗。每每想到手機中可以傾訴的對象寥寥無幾，我就開始懷疑我自己的判斷能力是否真的是那麼獨到。

但是，我又想到孔子說的：友直、友諒、友多聞。我就又覺得，其實我或許應該好好檢討。也許這一切都是我自己的問題。我想，我應該要在刮別人的鬍子前，先把自己的刮乾淨。也許這樣我就會漸漸交到更多的益友。

成長，真的不是小孩子可以輕易嘗試的。

Old Dogs, New Tricks

Not many people could say that they love their job, except the job is where your passion is at, like my dad, a project manager. Though I think he might have made himself love it, he loves it nonetheless because it gives him the challenges and security he seeks. Also, I think he defines himself with it.

However, as he grows older, this title seems more like a position because there are other positions that he needs to maintain now for the different people in his life. Maybe he knew that, but being a traditional man, he never really got the idea till now that being 'the' man in the household, softness plays a big part in it too.

Since my grandpa has fallen sick, he's been playing the vital role as the head of the family and visiting and taking care of all the arrangements that my grandpa needs. Visiting him every day and my grandma every weekend, he also keeps a clear communication with the relatives around, my aunt, uncles, and even my mom about any updates. At the same time, telling others to be prepared if anything happens.

But the fact is, the image that he portrays usually makes him stronger than he actually is. Yesterday, while visiting grandpa, with the request of the hospital, my dad signed the consent of life support for my grandpa if any emergencies occur. He signed it after a short discussion with my stepmom. Yet at the dawn of the day, he could no longer bear the sorrow of letting go of his father's life, even though he knew that it is inevitable, he wailed uncontrollably like a child.

Looking back, I don't think I've never given my dad enough credit for being who he is, juggling and attending all the positions that he has been holding so well. Maybe it's because he hasn't been that great of a father, but he has definitely improved over the years. Just recently, he changed the closet-like room of my sister's and had given it a desk where she can study at. Also, he has been joking more and happier, rather than the solemn, silent dad that I knew when I was 16.

I once asked my mom, after a big fight with my dad, of why can't he change his rigid, traditional ways of thinking. She simply replied, "He's already 40." But at that time, it just didn't make sense of why changing would be related to age. As time passed, he's proven to me that that isn't the case. Actually, you can teach old dogs new tricks, if they have had enough to lose.

Fictions now available!

Since I was 16, or maybe even younger, I've always thought that writing would be my calling. However, never made it into becoming anything, except being published here and there or just keeping a blog like this. But when things didn't go the way that I planned: becoming a journalist that I've always wanted, or a writer that I've always planned to, I felt desolated and worthless.

Then, a friend told me to look for the root cause. So I asked myself why I feel that it's important for me to become these positions, and I've come to the conclusion that it's because when others read my words, in exchange have them change, react, or think, I feel that I exist and matter and I am somewhat, powerful.

And that, makes me happy.

So after readjusting myself with my self-perspective, I've started my new fiction blog: Pseudo Life, to my surprise, I've been getting responses of encouragement and friends telling me that it spurs them on in their own writings more.

Now, even though this pays no bills and rather takes up a lot of my time and energy to come up with logical yet interesting ways to be believable, with these comments, I know that I'm on the right track.

Blah Taiwan!

Ok, for some of you probably knew that I tried out for the Fun Taiwan Co-host audition in Taiwan. Despite the fact that I completely missed the boat of sending in my video, I still had the hope that someone, who is an ordinary person, may get the part. Like a fairytale ending.

But that isn't the case. To my great disappointment, Discovery Taiwan has chosen a girl, who is already a semi-celebrity in Taiwan, to be the sidekick of Janet. My first thought was :WTF!!! Shouldn't they have someone that can balance the whole Janet act off? (aka. more sophisticated and well spoken with less of an weird intonation in her accent and speech.)

But no, I guess they think that since one Janet is a hit, two must be better! So now, we have not one, but TWO people who have strange intonation and accent to introduce Taiwan and the World. At the same time, however, it seems like most Taiwanese people think that Janet is the shit, so maybe it will work after all.

Maybe I'm just being bitter for not getting the part. But in fact, this has only confirmed even further of how TV works in Taiwan - not for me. So, with this experience and the ones before, I'll start making my own goddamn shows on Youtube rather than depending on those people to get a break from all this hoopla.

It's hard to be a bitch

I believe that throughout our lives, we've made many mistakes. Some are salvageable and forgivable, others are not so easy. But nonetheless, seeking for forgiveness is definitely something that takes courage, especially when you've been notified by a third party acquaintance that you've been referred to as 'The Bitch'.

Maybe it's being older, after understanding all the shit that I've done in the past, I've come to realize that I want to come clean and hope to make peace with whomever or whatever that I've wronged.

So today, I had an epiphany about the whole thing and sorted it out in my head as I was on the stairmaster. However, clouded by post-workout euphoria, my plan seemed a lot more viable at that time. Now, sitting in my room alone, confronting my past ghost, I've lost all the nerves to make it right.

Then, I thought: "Fuck it, better do it when I think it's important enough right now." Another thing about something that you fucked up in the past is that 'Time heals all wounds, and decreases all momentums', depending on which side you're on. So I'm certain that if I hadn't sucked it up and did what I had to do to make this regret go away, I would have probably forgotten about it in the end, till another sudden growth of conscience.

At the same time, karma is also a possible unwanted factor to affect my future due to this dirt in the past. Also, being an Asian and all, this is undesirable. Therefore, having this karma issue as an afterthought, my sincere effort in rectifying and clearing this mistake will project a more positive light around the Bitch's world.